Sunday, May 02, 2010

the thinking hana

i'm in my analysis mode. where i am separating the emotional from the logical. and i'm doing an analysis on my take/experience in relationships for the past few yrs.

with no 1 i was a bitch. like no doubt about it. it was totally my fault. i was 18-20... but still, i was a bitch. i probably traumatised him. and im really sorry about it.

ok then no 2, loved him to death. he was a good travelling partner even though for a good 2 yrs of it, he didnt have a passport. lol. and the loved him to death part might actually come true if i had stayed. he needed anger management counselling or something. BUT it wasnt all that bad, and we did try...and try... and try... and then that was it. i just wanted to do something else with my life. i couldnt wait for him anymore. i had my whole future and i felt that being with him is holding me back. i guess i just needed space, and yes, i got it now, and i'm not regretting the decision at all. i miss the friendship that we had. and come to think of it NOW, the fights werent AT ALL THAT BAD. lol. but really, i still think i made the right decision. i wasnt, and still am not ready to get married. my bad with the engagement thing. sorry...

then came no 3. he went back to brunei. there's nothing much to say, just a series of what ifs and probably would have beens.

and.............................. no 4. ????????????????????????????? yup. that about describes my feelings.

my love life is so dramatic. a series of preks and kena preks and fights and god knows what. i invite disharmony probably. or i am just an attraction for trouble. like a magnet.

this is the part where fergie's big girls dont cry song will start playing in the background of my life. or the song clumsy. also can. hahahaha...

im tired.

faith and happiness only exist in fairytales. a once upon a time story with dragons, wicked stepmothers and sisters, fairy godmothers and prince charming. im no princess with glass slippers. i wear charles & keith. hence no happily ever after. sigh.

Posted by L|v|nGdEaD b|tCh at 7:26:00 AM